day dreams

We didn’t have much to do; hell there wasn’t much we could do. The sky was totally unapproachable, thick clouds and occasional whiff of mist stood its ground between our sight and the speckled blanket enveloping our universe. The sky isn’t really there, it is just something we underachievers talk about reaching knowing we cannot cause it just isn’t there. Space without sunlight is what it is. It was really quite beautiful there, in its gloom and tiny noises of snow falling off the tall pines that surrounded us. Every now and then one of them would shudder as if they couldn’t handle the weight of snow on their shoulders. I could most definitely relate with the thought, I don’t know whether the rest could or not, but I tried to be honest, knowing my limitations and I knew that I could never come close to encroaching them. The clouds overhead rumbled as if brooding, whether they wanted to shed more snowy tears over this valley of fear and suppressed human emotions or not. No one actually knew how long we had waited there in the cold darkness. Huddled together like a fresh dog litter trying to stave off the cold, willing it away. It burned it was so cold, went through the pores in our skin and even the adrenaline induced sweat seemed to freeze in the glands, however the tears never stopped flowing. Warm flowing salt kept making steamy streaky tracks along some quivering whitened faces as if some skiers had had a day full of fun and frolic in the alps.
Cynicism aside life could get worse, the thought of being dead was a blessing now, it might have been worse if i had wanted to stay alive, especially after what I had seen people go through. Painful is what having a heart is, does not allow you to feel pain for yourself, if you see others in worst. Would have been better off had I seen only with my eyes and nothing else. I got involved, biggest mistake I ever made in my entire life, I had always been a bystander sometimes enjoying but always observing what happened around me. Observing yes, but only objectively, no emotions involved what so ever. There was never a need to do so, I was so right, I have always hated being right and I was when I thought that to stay aloof, away, the heir to the throne in introvertism; if there is such an ism, would be near to perfect. Nothing really can be perfect, but one thing is for sure. No one human being can stay away from humanity for long; every man is an animal, part of a society. Some sort of an emotion always creeps through let it be good-natured or bad there is always an underlying current of emotions. I don’t think us humans are deserving of so much nor can one man or woman bear so much pain or hate love, distress ...there aren’t enough shades of gray to cover the feelings and emotional ebb and flow that one might go through in one micro second."