on a lighter day

Dark, dark is the night

Couldn’t see the light if we were blind

Close the window, the wind is fresh

Thoughts polluting such beauty

Awake till dawn, await the beast

Let it come and take me

Wait a little more

Oh life tear me, take me

Does this pain mean?

Is it meaningless like its master?

Tame me, claim me

End this lavish misery

Friend & Foes come & go

Take a piece of me, a bit of you

Leaving a shell full of smiles & tears

Sharing, giving an overflowing sea of fear

Broken, bruised, cruising

Single minded passion, obsessing

Loving, hating, living, dying

Waiting

I feel a subject to the devil’s delusions

Let me see you, the you behind the subterfuge

Obliterate this mirage, these tears you shed

Bring me to us, me to you, the true ending of life

Bending the light you end this illusion.

Man Captures Carla, Man likes to stare

Does it really matter that a new year has started, that the earth has finished one orbit around the sun and has started along a new one it is prehistoric, endless circling of the ball of nuclear fires. Does it make a difference how many times it has done so before today or after death?

I don’t know whether it makes any difference or not, but the world is out partying tonight and will continue to do so tomorrow (my tomorrow) for the sun will come up on a different time zone then. Hence a lot of partying, booze, E, Acid, Mushrooms dying before maybe they had wanted to die. Loads of food to be had, to be thrown up, upholsteries to be cleaned, hangovers to be hung over. Drinks to be made, to be had, to be pissed away, hearts beating faster and faster, till the time comes, the gauntlet has been thrown, the leaves taken, tickets bought, outfits fitted, cars with inflated tires. Tomorrow is so far away, but is coming quickly.

I can’t see straight, too tired, not drunk, I remembered I don’t do that, but still life sometimes gets to your head and then forgets where its at and refuses to come back down. Stuck up there like a scared little cat, stuck in a tree. Is it scared to come back down, or is it bored, or does it see a bird worth its while. Why oh why does it climb out on that bloody limb to begin with?

Am now leaving to attend the bloody Paul Oakenfold concert which I hope is good enough to pass the night, or else I will have to come back, because it is like everything else you face on this planet. You can sue, cuss, fuss, but you can either

a) never get your moneys worth

b) if you do you are too high to remember the good times, hence you don’t remember getting your money’s worth

c) If you do remember you are the only one to do so and when you grow old you are lonely with those memories

d) You have fun but piss everything away

e) You don’t have any thing and still piss what you have away, after you borrowed it.

After doing all of the mind boggling stuff to yourself, yes you do it to yourself, no one did it to you, no one can destroy you unless you want in on it. The self destruct button is the most attractive button on life’s console, you sit down and start the blame game, or you blame yourself, and vow not to let it happen, or give up and let it happen. Either way, life passes on, through out all the musings and amusements, life continues to tick away. Doesn’t it? And sleep comes at night, like a ghost, like a drug, like death itself.

would someone put out the lights
blot out the sun, make it dark
blinding lights, blinding me
tripping on my thoughts that i can't see

They said they would come and
take me from here
no one has come now
i lie in fear that they will

take me, take me far away
there here sometime or never
beggars they say cant be choosers
a place where life is delivered

(Excerpt - Book of D)

For old times sake

Twisted thoughts flowing

Sleeping they were,

Don’t know what gave them wings

Shame, embarrassment, lies and deceit

Head in knees

The little boy is crying

His soul is dying

With every word that is said

Between every line

Leave it all behind

Refuse to resign

Ourselves to truth that drowns inside

Forever gone innocence

Slipping like tears

All shame and fears

Stripped of garb and cloth

Naked flesh, strutting the streets

Flushed with egos

The sea is rising

To meet the moon

Spell it out, it reads soon

The tide is high

But its only noon

The little boy cries,

Singing with his soul

She leaves him now

The sun is cold

A mother wishing his hunger away

Not knowing what hurts so

She is such a fool

You can’t get what you wish for

It never works that way

We get what we deserve

The devil sings as he may

The sun shall rise

On someone’s day

Tears will fall

Where someone’s love once lay

They all still lie

Waiting to die

Thinking, of days gone by

When the young were shy

Some would laugh, while some would lie

For every lie, someone would die

The moon wept, seas rose high

The world grows cold

And the sky just dies

The little boy cries

His mother to him lies

Wait a bit longer

Dinner just arrives

Let the kid sleep, she begs

Deep,

Somewhere deep

Where every dream dies, where he is not alone

Where every one cries

Summer City blooos

Yes, sir...i know i know, it has been a long time that i wrote. This time around it is owing more to circumstances than merely my laziness, which truth be told, is in itself off legendary status. Work has started on full throttle now, but from what i hear it is going to run out of diesel pretty quickly. The weather is getting ass hot ass it does in the desert at this time of the year. Really, if the equator had physical existence, i would have maimed it to the lack of any recognition. I would seriously have rearranged the map. No one would have been able to tell if the destroyed piece of land or whatever used to be the equator or whatever. AHHHHHHHHH!!!! i can now safely (because the room is airbleedinconditioned) say that the hottest thing i have been close to is the ...EQUATOR...why? well, provided we ignore that lady in the elevator with me last night. Now, umm, she didnt seem drunk, or intoxicated in any visible, detectable, smellable manner, however it seemed that she had left her place in a hurry and had either forgot to fully undress, or dress. It was like looking at a car or a VCR that had fallen off the assembly line, somewhere in the middle, so that now it could perform the basest of functions, but very barely so. If you dont mind my pun.

Anyways, so the work has started, it is usually the busiest this time of year, because they try and finish everything before the extreme summers (yes, i have found out it can get worse). Once everything, every loan is processed, and done with, the approvers and the processors, they take a leave and periodically start leaving the country on paid leaves for more moderately placed places on the map.

I think if someone had drawn the map a bit correctly the summers would be better in Dubai. Afterall it is mind over matter. I hear it rains a lot in England and some of the rest of United Kingdom, but that the weather is still better than the adjoining countries, i really have no way to confirm that at the moment. However, having seen the extremes of both, rainy weather (monsoon) and extreme dry weather in Lahore, coupled with rainy and dry winters (before i came to dubai, lahore saw its coldest, and showed me a bit of it as well, with the mercury dropping to below 5 degrees centigrades). A city where you get a maximum of about 50 degrees over a period of 3 months or so, can get so cold...is very surprising and fun. Because despite all the cold, the sun is beautiful, and warm, and the keenus (tangerines+Maltas+Sangtaras), with salted spices are a superb delight.

After all that babbling, i think Summer, in a desert that is right next to the sea is worse than everything (weather wise), you may freeze to death on the arctic, but look on the bright side, you will have a cool smile on your gob AND, your descendants can make a lot of money outta you, once they find your perfectly frozen body. Hell, maybe they could even clone you and put you next to the T-Rex and other extinct things that they have cloned. God gave the Arabs oil, because He had to compensate them with something. The arctic population has the poalr bears, and penguins, Norway has oil, and north pole has moby dick and blubber. The Arabs have OIL and now America has a bit of it. The Arabs deserve it. I was reading that this place has been mostly desert since a few thousand years. That my dear friends is a lot of desert!

I am really not very tired, but i feel like i have run a thousand miles, i cant feel my legs, most probably because i have been sitting in the same bloody position for the past three hours, watching the download bar on Absolute Power download and listeing to .... Soundgarden - SuperUnknown...ah the man has a beautiful voice.

Whatever you wish it to be

Move Through the…..

Mountains & Caverns & Lakes

And the sky is so blue

Water is wet and life is wrong

And death is so true

I follow you until I see the

Red horizon fade into you

And I believe the truth

Then you speak to me saying

Hey you know

Love is such a cannibal

Eating at it's own core

Existence

Marred, oppressive, life, deliverance

Does it matter?

If it is true

All are deceiving, no one caring

My pain is real, your happiness is untrue

And they follow you

And you show the garden

Of temptation of destruction

Of destruction of temptation

Over flowing seas of emotion

Dying, crying, waves of seas

Beating

Beating the burning shore

Taking bits & pieces of

The rocks that lie bare to it's violence

And see the moon shining down

Is it a smile or a frown

Life is seeping, slipping

Out of hand, never held what

You couldn't understand

Never tried, never thought

Never sought, never fought

and the wind intones, sings
everything is not dead, all is not gloom
there rides life, beyond the doom
death can't end what has not lived
last shimmers of the dress
that the moon wore
The sun creeps out of a broken door
Illuminating souls on a virgin shore.

Cold Feet, Smoking Chimneys and Sleevless Heavenly Bodies!

I am focused on what I am after
The key to the next open chapter
Cause I found a way to steal the sun from the sky
Long live that day that I decided to fly from the inside

(Shinedown – Fly from the inside)

Here’s the weight of the world on my shoulders. Four straight late night wedding appearences a.k.a back vertical drop slammer, I would cliff jump any day. I have lost all my fear of heights. All because of the wedding. The only thing that scared me of being high (and I mean from the sea level) was that it would really be cold up there and a lack of the perfect mix of oxygen, nitrogen and various burnt and un-burnt hydrocarbons, that constitute the familiar fresh air of my home town. Now that fear remains with me no more, I have seen people feel cold far more than I do. The last night of the wedding, was last night! And we had a ball of a time, the function went smoothly, and we had nothing at all to do with it, which could be one of the reasons for it being smooth. We sat, for once, on a round table, for a bit, had a chat, met the newly wed couple, told the poor old chap to smile, something that he had been doing unavoidably so for the past three days and then we decided to go out for a smoke.

Damn.

It was very cold.

Let me rephrase that.

It was as cold as it can be in Lahore, while standing still and doing nothing. The hands that rocked the cigarettes back and forth were frozen beyond mobility. Man was made to realize the importance of FIRE and respect the concept of Hell (and women) in its totality. One cannot and should not judge the divine. God, reportedly has made a little place with loads of Fire, after last night, I think a lot of sinners would be fearing the time, that God decided that Hell should after all freeze over and be just cold. NOT HOT, JUST COLD.

I know it is irrelevant, pain, whatever sort it may be, as long as it inflicts you is painful. Does it matter whether it is a toothache or renal failure? Of course one might be more embarrassing to explain to the doc than the other. For example, the dude who (as reported by a reliable source, a.k.a the doc herself) went to the MAO Hospital emergency ward, and refused to any treatment by the lady doctor. He had to in the end, because other than her, the most experienced person on board was the cat that had been scampering around for the past two years in the emergency ward (yes this is a still developing country, where by development means the act of stillness).

So anyways, the poor guy turned out to be right, it was embarrassing and he did have a very vital part stuck in a very small ring. WHY? Because at one time it fit, and then due to the vagrant nature of the male anatomy (some parts really do have a mind of their own), it decided to……. Not fit. Talk about getting stuck in a vicious circle.

Well, to get back to the wedding and the height of coldness. Last night was beautiful, I saw people actually airborne, two to three inches at times, it was really that cold and they were really quivering THAT hard. Smoking is BAD for you. I doubt it is the smoke that gives you all those diseases, I think it is the hiding outside, in inhuman weather to smoke that gives you all those things. Also, note to self, Women, should really be ruling instead of Men, I mean they looked goooood. I love all women…well almost, I don’t like the socialist elitist women, but that is another discussion. Yes, women, lovely, SLEEVELESS SHIRTS!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….yes, it makes my head spin faster and hotter than mercury spins around the sun. It sends shivers and thoughts of Man’s inferiority down my spine and then up it again. SLEEVELESS. It is not that they looked sexy or really beautiful (which some did) that rocks, it was the freezing weather, in which they looked so serene. I have seen women brave hot weather with a smile on their face, but that was ALSO with the same dresses. HOW do you girls do that? That is why I want to get married, to learn first hand, too seek out the art of ignoring bad weather, something that even Japanese martial artists cant teach you. To learn, before I die, what lies beneath that (hopefully) creamy skin?

*snap!

Ok…back to reality.

The walima was good, the function went smooth, and we got pictures taken with cold feet, runny red noses which will be a lot blurry because we were vibrating like big upside down, twin bladed tuning forks. We ate food, to fuel the inner fire, some even had fried fish with the sweets, yes, the fish was very good. Then we all went home, after a cup of coffee at 2.00 in the morning, which means we got home at around 3.00 and all the coffee meant that we stayed awake all night.

*”Anything that you have to hide from your parents can’t really be very good for your health, however it doesn’t mean that it would be otherwise if you started telling them about your activities”. Quote – Book of D.